Quoted: Taking it slow and sensible on the post-pandemic dating scene
This article was published in the Toronto Sun on Aug 09, 2021.
There’s no denying we are living in unusual, unprecedented times. The pandemic continues to set new ground rules – and then tosses everything up in the air so we all start fresh, with no real beginning, middle or end.
But pandemics tend to do this, as history will tell you. Society in general learns to navigate through a new storm almost every week, and what was extraordinary last year – from lineups to food hoarding to mask wearing to word of a vaccine that just may make life bearable again – becomes the ordinary this year.
This includes dating. And it appears we are a nation looking for a good date.
Research shows traditional in-person first date is returning, with “how to date” one of the most searched phrases on Google recently. According to the Washington Post, “nationally, searches related to how to date are at a five-year high.”
Before the pandemic, dating was akin to fast dancing – lots of movement, energy and an unnamed breathless excitement with every dating app that allowed people to swipe to their heart’s desire.
Now, dating is more like slow dancing, where every movement is thoughtfully, carefully planned, and with a heightened awareness of how things should materialize.
Apart from the obvious – is this potential partner vaccinated? – there’s also a new energy in place, and an anticipation many haven’t experienced in a long time.
So states a recent report from the dating app, Hinge, which shows a rise in a new type of relationship trend many refer to as “intentional dating.” The pandemic has forced many singles to take a hard look at their dating lives, leading them to shed the bad dating habits (enough with the penis shots) and become more aware of the importance of solid relationships.
According to purewow.com, “Hinge Lab theorizes that an increased sense of self-awareness and empathy gained during the past year will inspire singles to be more intentional on their dating journeys, and ultimately inspire a new wave of relationships.”
Purewow.com notes that, according to Hinge Lab, “since March, more than two-thirds of Hinge users are thinking more about who they’re really looking for,” with more than half of the users reporting they’re “ready for a long-term, serious relationship.”
Much like slow dancing, intentional dating – some call it slow dating – covers the same mind-set of taking things at a slower pace to build the foundation of a more solid relationship, notes the Bumble dating app. It’s all about making the right connection, which, thanks to the pandemic, is now crucial in the dating world.
Take things nice and easy, say the dating experts. One of the tricks to finding the right partner is to not rush into a relationship, said Justin Lehmiller, in a recent Washington Post story. Lehmiller, a researcher at Indiana University’s Kinsey Institute and author of Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life, says “people don’t want relationships just for the sake of having them. They want to find the right relationship and the right partner.”
“Be sure to take it slow,” said Amy E. Keller, a licenced marriage and family therapist to writer Barbara Field in verywellmind.com. “After living in a world that doesn’t feel very trustworthy due to the (the) pandemic… it’s important to get yourself on steady ground physically, mentally, and emotionally,” Keller adds. She recommends daters trust their hearts along with their intuition – but be prepared for surprises along the way.
What’s not surprising is the heightened excitement in the dating world, with special attention to in-person first dates, notes the online dating platform, Dating.com, which recently released a survey showing just how much singles are spending on first dates, post-pandemic.
In a nutshell, spending habits have skyrocketed when it comes to first dates, with the report showing 75% of singles plan to spend more than $100 on a meal and 55% of those who plan to travel to meet their new fling in person would spend between $500 and $999.
Singles are spreading the love, notes Dating.com, and spending big bucks to prove it. Key stats from the survey include:
45% of respondents feel indifferent about who pays for the first date, while the majority feel the person who initiated the date should pay
78% of those surveyed plan on paying for their date’s car ride home after their plans wrap up
65% of respondents are planning to take their first date on an excursion or outdoor adventure. Of the 65%, 40% plan to spend more than $500
45% of those surveyed had made connections with people in other cities and plan to visit them to meet in person for the first time.
37% of singles plan to bring a gift – be it flowers or wine – and 20% of daters intend on sending a gift the next day
“It’s no surprise that singles are ready to spend this year,” says Maria Sullivan, vice-president and dating expert of Dating.com, in a recent news release. “From museums to exclusive restaurants – and even island excursions – our members are excited about the prospect of impressing on the first date.
“A first impression is important in setting the foundation for a healthy and successful relationship and people from around the world are ready to explore and try new things.”
Written by Rita DeMontis
