Putting the ❤️ Back into Valentine’s Day
How do you feel about Valentine’s Day? Do you love chocolates, teddy bears and cards… or are you dreading everyone’s self-congratulatory lovey-dovey photos on social media?
Maybe you’re on your own this year, or maybe you’re with a partner who feels differently about that day than you do. Maybe your valentine is not in the same quarantine bubble as you. Regardless of your situation, here’s some advice to get you through the day!
Don’t pile on the pressure 💘
I was interested to read that in a survey of 415 millennials, about a third of men and women alike were more than “meh” about Valentine’s day.
But if one-third of people don’t love the holiday, that leaves two-thirds who do-- and when a lover and a hater head into this red-heart-alert holiday together-- that can have its own challenges and pitfalls!
If you’re in one of these couples, Dr. Lisa Firestone gives some good advice in “How to Not Feel Let Down This Valentines Day,” when she says, “don’t pile on the pressure.” With all the hype, it can be easy, especially if you’re the Valentine’s enthusiast in the couple, to psych yourself out, thinking that if your partner isn’t excited about Valentine’s day, maybe they aren’t excited about you. But before reading a partner’s Valentine’s reluctance as an indicator of trouble -- consider the bigger question is, how do they treat you the other 364 days of the year?
Be Generous 💝
On the flip side, if you’re the one who’s cold-hearted about red hearts, but your partner wants flowers and chocolate -- why not indulge them? Every day is a good day to express affection, why not this one? Just like Christmas (another holiday accused of being overly commercial), you’ll find that it feels good to give—literally! In fact science links acts of kindness, generosity, and affection to increased levels of oxytocin and serotonin, helping you feel more optimistic and happy!
Be Gentle 💖
If you are single or just coming out of a relationship -- Valentine’s Day is a day to give yourself a break! Less pressure, more self-compassion! Avoid the temptation to criticize yourself if you’re not in the partnership of your dreams, and certainly don’t post anything negative on social media. (You don’t need to rain on anyone’s parade!) Figure out what’s good for you, and give yourself the gift of gentleness,
Be Inclusive 💕
I’m a fan of the Leslie-Knope-inspired Galentine’s Day on February 13 (and also, the lesser-known Malentine’s Day). Celebrate all the different kinds of love represented by the people in your life -- friends, family, and even the folks you don’t know as well, but bring pleasure to your life -- a barista, friendly doorman, or co-worker. I adore cute stationary and cards, and this year I bought a box of them to give away. I like to add a note with something specific that I appreciate about each card recipient--like how a certain colleague always has a joke or a friend who volunteers to help with pets or children. Thinking about what I like about each person increases my own feelings of gratitude and well-being, and sharing them makes people feel seen. I’m going to feel great, imagining how these little notes might brighten peoples’ days.
Be Intentional 💗
As a final thought, this is our first Valentine’s Day in a pandemic - just one more reason to chill and go with the flow. You’re probably off the hook for getting reservations to a fancy restaurant! But regardless of whether you’ll be spending the day alone or with a partner, it’s nice to plan one intentional thing: Take a bubble bath, order a pizza, watch a movie instead of the same sitcom reruns. And, sure, maybe pick up some chocolates and enjoy!
