Feeling Tips for For Men : Identifying and Communicating Your Feelings

In a recent blog post, I talked about the importance of being able to listen to your partner when they talk about how they feel. Another good skill to have is communicating how you feel. But what if you aren’t sure how you feel?

Many people -- often, though certainly not always, men -- find it difficult to identify their feelings at times. Because it has not always been socially acceptable for men to express feelings other than anger, they might not recognize other emotions, such as sadness or fear. 

If this describes you, start by paying attention to what is happening in your body. Where do you feel discomfort or tension? Do you feel something in your stomach? Tightness in your jaw or chest? The infographic on the right (taken from this article) shows some typical areas where different emotions tend to be felt.

But you don’t need to be able to name your feelings perfectly in order to talk about what you are experiencing. Just be honest and share what you can. For example, you might say something like, “When we talk about our finances I feel my throat tighten and I want to avoid it,” or “When we discuss cutting back on our expenses, it’s hard to swallow.”

Statements like this can help your partner understand what’s going on with you instead of having to guess -- and perhaps making incorrect assumptions. Just the act of sharing your experience with your partner shows that you trust them. You will both have more insight and feel closer to each other.  

And, that’s a win-win!