Dread & Anxiety

During times of duress -- like, say, most of 2020! -- we might feel “dread. ” Dread is psychoanalytically defined as the fear of collapse or being in existential crisis. In other words, the feeling that our very existence is threatened! For many, experiencing dread started in childhood, when we had little control over our circumstances. 

What’s important to remember -- and I tell clients this often -- is that as adults, unlike when we felt dread as children, we now have adult resources! My client, “John,” was only nine when his father left and his mother collapsed into depression. John was left to “be the man of the house.” Trying to manage tasks that were developmentally far beyond what any child that age should have to deal with, he felt like Atlas, responsible for the weight of the world and his mother’s mental health. 

John retained those feelings into adulthood, but, through our therapeutic work, realized that although he still felt dread and catastrophic anxiety, he actually had the tools to handle the conflicts in his life. I encouraged him to repeat this to himself over and over that he could handle whatever came up when he felt overwhelmed. This helped John realize how much he had grown up, despite some points of arrested development. 

When you are facing challenges in your life today, you don’t have to have all the answers. You might not figure it all out from the beginning. But you can trust that you have learned a few things and have made it this far - so likely, you’ll figure it out now or -- as an adult -- you can seek out others who can. I always say that we “live in a resource- rich society,” so seek professional help, research solutions and remember that you have skills to solve the toughest of problems.

And if dread and anxiety are part of your “programming” you can even go back and do some “rewiring” by telling your fearful Inner child those things you wanted and needed to hear. The following meditation, "Inner Child Meditation for Codependency, Lack of Self Love and Negative Programming" is one of the best inner child meditations I have found. Your current self soothes your younger self and reminds your inner child that they no longer have to play Atlas and be responsible for the weight of the world. You can tend to your own feelings and manage the old fears - better than ever.