Celebrating #InternationalPodcastDay with a salute to the Armchair Expert

Today is #InternationalPodcastDay and I’d like to give a shout out to a recent episode of a podcast I really enjoy: Armchair Expert hosted by Dax Shepard and Monica Padman. Each episode of the show features an interview with a celebrity, journalist or expert on a topic, always touching on the “messiness of being human!” (As a therapist, you know I’m going to be intrigued by human messiness!) 

My Armchair Expert fandom grew last year, when Dax interviewed one of my psychology heros, John Gottman! I’ve listened to many Gottman interviews, and this was my all-time favorite! Dax and Dr. Gottman shared their favorite fathering tips and they both sound like amazing dads. (Listen to the episode HERE)

But the episode I want to applaud today was recorded only last week. In episode, “Day 7,” Dax and Monica altered their usual format to have an honest conversation about what it was like for both of them when Dax recently broke his years-long sobriety.

Several of my patients mentioned the episode in our sessions, and noted how touched they were by his honesty and vulnerability. 

In the episode, Dax talked about how taking prescription medication after an injury and surgery triggered a relapse into addiction, and how his addiction caused him to be dishonest with himself, and then to lie and gaslight people around him. (Later, Monica spoke, with great mercy, about what it is like to be one of those people being lied to!)

Dax described the temptation to regard himself as “smart enough” to handle his addiction without hurting himself and others, and what it was like to admit he couldn’t. He talked about his fear of telling others the truth, knowing that once he did, he would have to deal with both the physical and psychological pain of withdrawal and -- perhaps even more painful -- with people’s judgement and his feelings of shame for going back to “Day 1” after taking pride in and being admired for his long stint of sobriety. 

I was thinking about how Dax really had to go back to one in another way as well. In the Twelve Step Process, Step One is “admitting powerlessness.” It is one of the hardest steps because it is humbling and it makes one vulnerable. Dax talked about taking this step -- coming clean first to his loved ones, then to his groups and friends, and finally to everyone.

I was particularly touched and inspired by his recounting of what came next: 

How so many people did not react with judgement, but were there to listen, encourage and to help him pick himself back up and dust himself off. He described encountering kindness and understanding that he considered “the definition of grace.” 

As a therapist, this was a big take-away: It takes tremendous courage to humble ourselves and honestly ask for help, but as soon as we do, healing has already begun -- even on Day 1!