Recovery After Abuse: Find Your Place of Safety

If you’re coming out of an abusive relationship, it’s been a long time since you’ve felt safe. You’re used to tiptoeing around wondering when the next lightning bolt is going to hit. I hope you are now in a safe environment.

After months and years of never feeling safe to show your true self, I say now is your time to feel safe.

You need to discover your personal safe place – the place you can go to find peace, safety and rest. Finding your place of safety is the next important step for self care. How can you get in touch with your feelings and open your heart if you don’t feel safe?

You need a place where you can go when you need quiet time and rest. It must be fairly easy to get to. Here are a few ideas of safe places:

• Your church sanctuary when there is no service going on.

• A quiet spot in your garden to meditate.

• A hot bath with the door locked.

• The city library reading room.

• Yoga class or swim time.

• A special nook in your living room or dining room where you have privacy at least some part of the day.

• A walk with your dog in a quiet neighborhood.

• Quiet time cuddling your cat.

• A cup of coffee or tea on the patio or front steps.

You get the idea of what you need. If you are a stay-at-home-parent with young children, you may have to get creative. On sunny days perhaps you can have time with your thoughts while the children ride their bikes or trikes or splash in a wading pool. Or it could be afternoon nap or a children’s movie.

The important thing is that you find time for yourself at least once a day and at least for a few minutes. It must be a place where you feel completely safe to be alone with your thoughts. It must be a place of rest.

Examine your daily lifestyle to find places where you can rest, think, be and feel. It will transform your life.